Now that it’s been almost three months since I was diagnosed with PPD/anxiety, I’m becoming more and more aware of the ways in which it tries to seep into all areas of my brain and take control of my thoughts.
While reading Momastery the other day, I found a new term that perfectly describes how I’ve been feeling lately: momotony. My baby girl is at that interesting age where she constantly wants to be entertained, but there is not much she can do. It’s been oppressively hot lately, so outdoor activities have been limited. And since all she wants to do when she’s awake is move, move, move (wonder where she gets that from?), I feel guilty strapping her in the car seat and running errands. So we read some books, she plays on her activity mat, we sing a few songs, she jumps in her Jumperoo. I look at the clock. Fifteen minutes have passed. So we read some books, she plays on her activity mat, we sing a few songs, she jumps in her Jumperoo. Is time actually going slower? Repeat cycle, repeat cycle, repeat cycle until one of three things happens: she needs to eat, get her diaper changed, or take a nap. Has it really only been an hour since I talked to another adult? There it is: momotony.
Don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with my girl. Watching her learn more about herself and her relationship to the world is my favorite thing about motherhood. But sometimes I just get plain bored. And as I’m learning, boredom is a breeding ground for anxious, negative, and self-critical thoughts. PPD sees that boredom and attacks, usually full force and with no warning.
So I have to be smarter than it. I have to find ways to beat the baby boredom and reclaim my thoughts. But that’s hard to do when you’re on your sixth rendition of a Raffi song and just looking at The Very Hungry Caterpillar makes you want to hurl the book across the room only to realize that you don’t actually even need the book because you know every single word by heart.
I’d love to hear from you. How do you beat baby boredom?